Trusted Adult - definition
Not all adults or older children can be trusted. Discussing with children who or what a safe or trusted adult looks like, ie, is someone whom they feel safe around, someone who respects them, listens to them and does not do anything to cause harm, empowers children to be aware of adults who make them feel uncomfortable or ashamed. Such discussions give children the opportunity and acts as an outlet to share if something is not right.
It will also teach children to know that it is Ok to say no to an adult if they feel uncomfortable about their behaviour or something they said; or, that it’s OK to tell a trusted adult about a secret that makes them feel unhappy or ashamed.
Listening to children
Giving children autonomy over who they interact with and how they engage, empowers the child to make their own decisions based on the level of trust they have.
Resist the temptation to encourage children to kiss or hug friends or family members. Allow the child to make that decision and encourage ‘high five’ instead.
Promoting such a policy may act as an early warning sign that something has occurred between the child and adult or older child if they suddenly don’t want to engage, talk or spend time with specific people. For more information on the signs of abuse, see signs of abuse page.
How to protect your family
Abuse is more likely to be occur within our social or family networks rather than from strangers. (see statistics page)
Children are taught to respect all adults, which may enable predators to exert power over those in their charge.
Teaching children from a young age about respect for their own bodies and other people’s helps them to understand what is acceptable and safe (good touching) and how to prevent unacceptable behaviour or abuse (bad touching) from starting or escalating.
Use games such as the ‘what if’ scenarios or props like clothed soft toys or dolls to discuss what is meant by good and bad touching (anywhere within pants or swimming costume) and what to do or say if they feel uncomfortable or are unsure about someone’s behaviour towards them, (even if the perpetrator a sibling, family member or older child).
The ‘Pants Rule’
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (UK) (NSPCC), provides resources for teachers and practitioners around the ‘pants rule’ . Parents can discuss or campaign for this training with their schools or Health Visitor if it is not on the curriculum.
In addition, discuss the difference between good secrets (surprise gift or birthday party) and bad secrets (something that will cause harm, make them feel uncomfortable or upset), and how to tell a trusted adult.
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